Wanna II
“You didn’t answer my question about a dance,” Mickey says.
He whispers in my ear, my skin tingles. And I choke on each syllable of my answer. I play a game. I divine his feelings from the way the light dances on each tiny shimmering dot. I see so much light it makes me close my eyes and look away. And when he touches my arm and pulls at my dress, I forget about Julio, I forget I told some girl at this party Soccer Boy is my boyfriend, I even forget my name.
A fast song plays in the background and I stagger around, my eyes stare mostly at my feet as I try not to trip over the heels I stole from Ally’s closet.
“You okay?” Mickey asks. My head swims with images from moments before. Was I talking to a fairy girl? Or were Julio and I together in the kitchen drinking beer? And what happened after that? Bev laughed at my underwear. Now why would she do that?
“Could you see what happened like a movie in my eyes?” I ask.
“That’s the wildest thing I’ve ever been asked,” Mickey says.
And then I hear Big Sister's voice.
He doesn’t know about the way you pulled up Julio’s shirt or what the fairy girl said.
From across the room, Julio points me out to Soccer Boy. Big Sister whispers in my ear about what they’re saying.
She wears hot pink hearts underneath that silver dress.
This is a different kind of whispering, Big Sister says. This is almost like the meanness of what’s on Julio’s back.
Would I say sometimes when Julio and I hang out, he re-arranges my closet and lines up all my shirts by color? And once when I asked him about why he was doing that he said, “Habit.” And then he said, “I don’t like making my parents angry.”
I bury my face in Mickey’s neck and hide. His fingers rest on my shoulders and pull me close. I hide from everyone, from anything I’ve said, even from the music.
“You’ll think my underwear is ugly,” I say.
“Stay away from the punch,” Mickey says. “It’s spiked always. Come on, you should eat something.”
And we start to head towards the kitchen. But then I stumble. Big. I slam right into Goo-Goo eyes and punch splashes all over her. “What the hell!” She says. And Gitt, Bev, Adrianna, and Soccer Boy all turn to look at me, but it’s not looking, it’s gawking. Julio’s eyes thin into narrow slits. His hands are cupped to his lips. “I’m sorry,” isn’t in his expression when I stare back.
I glance up at Mickey and ask, “Wanna get out of here?”
He whispers in my ear, my skin tingles. And I choke on each syllable of my answer. I play a game. I divine his feelings from the way the light dances on each tiny shimmering dot. I see so much light it makes me close my eyes and look away. And when he touches my arm and pulls at my dress, I forget about Julio, I forget I told some girl at this party Soccer Boy is my boyfriend, I even forget my name.
A fast song plays in the background and I stagger around, my eyes stare mostly at my feet as I try not to trip over the heels I stole from Ally’s closet.
“You okay?” Mickey asks. My head swims with images from moments before. Was I talking to a fairy girl? Or were Julio and I together in the kitchen drinking beer? And what happened after that? Bev laughed at my underwear. Now why would she do that?
“Could you see what happened like a movie in my eyes?” I ask.
“That’s the wildest thing I’ve ever been asked,” Mickey says.
And then I hear Big Sister's voice.
He doesn’t know about the way you pulled up Julio’s shirt or what the fairy girl said.
From across the room, Julio points me out to Soccer Boy. Big Sister whispers in my ear about what they’re saying.
She wears hot pink hearts underneath that silver dress.
This is a different kind of whispering, Big Sister says. This is almost like the meanness of what’s on Julio’s back.
Would I say sometimes when Julio and I hang out, he re-arranges my closet and lines up all my shirts by color? And once when I asked him about why he was doing that he said, “Habit.” And then he said, “I don’t like making my parents angry.”
I bury my face in Mickey’s neck and hide. His fingers rest on my shoulders and pull me close. I hide from everyone, from anything I’ve said, even from the music.
“You’ll think my underwear is ugly,” I say.
“Stay away from the punch,” Mickey says. “It’s spiked always. Come on, you should eat something.”
And we start to head towards the kitchen. But then I stumble. Big. I slam right into Goo-Goo eyes and punch splashes all over her. “What the hell!” She says. And Gitt, Bev, Adrianna, and Soccer Boy all turn to look at me, but it’s not looking, it’s gawking. Julio’s eyes thin into narrow slits. His hands are cupped to his lips. “I’m sorry,” isn’t in his expression when I stare back.
I glance up at Mickey and ask, “Wanna get out of here?”
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